The Oscars are coming, The Oscars are coming! Academy Awards night is my favorite night of the entertainment year. I can't wait.
I've known Ross since I was in the fifth grade. We go way back. Until I graduated high school we attended the same summer camp and were on similar paths both academically and musically, so we have a uniquely shared history.
Like the rest of the known universe, we've reconnected on Facebook in the last few years. Ross posts these great notes and thoughts on FB, but since he refuses to start his own blog, I've gone and snagged him for a guest post.
Hi, I’m Ross, a mid-American lawyer friend of hollywood housewife. In fact, I once had a major wardrobe malfunction fixed while singing and dancing on stage in a Mickey Mouse vest in front of elementary school children by her. It’s every bit as strange as it sounds.
As for movies - I am not close to an expert. I am just a fan of good movies and try very hard to watch all of the Best Picture nominees before the awards show. The last two years, I have talked a little bit about which movies I felt were the best, and while sometimes I agree with the Academy (Slumdog), sometimes I do not (No Country for Old Men over Juno and Michael Clayton).
I generally evaluate movies by my general “experience” with the movie. It is totally a gut feeling and based partially on how I felt about the movie as a work of art, and partially how I “felt” afterwards. On that note, here’s a thumbnail regarding what you need to know about the Best Picture Nominees.
Two of the films contain utterly unspeakable violence.
Inglourious Basterds is fun, but so much Tarantino that if you haven’t loved him before this, you won’t love this movie. You also won't love the movie if you can't stomach gore. But why should you stomach this movie? Well, because universally, very few people get squeamish about butchering Nazis. And this movie butchers lots of Nazis. It’s high on style and low on restraint, and if you’re in the mood to see some hurtin’, it’s fantastic. 9 out of 10.
Precious is not fun, and is just as unwatchably violent. It made my wonderful fiancee want to throw up. The performances in this movie, especially by Monique, are amazing. This movie makes you want to care about social justice. But unless you just feel like ruining an otherwise wonderful day, don’t watch it. Best thing to compare it to? A much less fun version of Slumdog Millionaire. Like Slumdog but in the end, all the characters that you love and feel sorry for die a horrible, meaningless death (that's really not a spoiler). That clear enough? Okay. Moving on. No chance. 7 out of 10, and I'll never watch it again.
Avatar is… Okay, I won’t waste your time on this movie, because you’ve seen it. It’s Pocahontas in Space with amazing effects, but it’s worth twenty bucks to see, and see twice, in a nice theater in 3D. Amazing technical accomplishment without anything resembling an actor or a story. 10 out of 10 for the tech side, 5 out of 10 for everything else... so an 8 out of 10 for me.
People are playing up the Hurt Locker – Avatar race, largely because of the James Cameron-Kathryn Bigelow relationship. But really, you should see Hurt Locker because it’s the only good Iraq war movie ever made. And because it’s tense. Like, non-stop tension. I feel a little bit like it’s being overhyped, but Jeremy Renner is really, really good, and it’ll drive you to drink. In fact, you could probably have a great Hurt Locker drinking game! It would take the edge off of the movie to be sure. 8 out of 10.
And after you’re tanked from watching the Hurt Locker drinking game, see A Serious Man. If Inglorious Basterds was Tarantino at his most Tarantino-ish, this movie is the Coen brothers over-Coening everything. I didn’t really get the movie. I think it has something to do with the American Jewish experience and the book of Job. I don’t know a lot about either of those things. So I didn’t know a whole lot about that movie. But there is something like a tense bomb situation (Hurt Locker! DRINK!). 6 out of 10. An Education is the sort of movie that was always nominated in the mid-2000s, and for good reason. Like Atonement, The Reader, The Queen, Sideways, Good Night and Good Luck, Capote, etc., there’s always room for a good story with good acting and deft direction. But it grossed like fifteen bucks at the box office (like those other movies) which is one-billion times less money than Avatar. So no chance. But go see it. You’ll enjoy it, I promise. 9 out of 10.
On the other end, the two movies which most benefited from the expanded roster are District 9 and The Blind Side. Both are flawed movies – The Blind Side is melodrama (but compelling melodrama) and District 9 is at its best when it stays unconventional and avoids shoot-em-up action, but these movies are being honored for being low-budget-movies-made-good. Expect Sandra Bullock to compete for Best Actress and lose, but it’s a great story for an actress who’s best movie is, um, Speed 2:Cruise Control? I mean, it’s a sequel so bad that Keanu Reeves was above showing up for it. 7 out of 10 for both. Finally, my favorite two movies of the year. Up in the Air is so stylish, so well-constructed, and so well-acted that I’m shocked that it’s now basically the ignored third wheel behind Avatar and Hurt Locker (tense! Drink!). George Clooney is, well, playing the role he always plays, but it’s somehow more perfect as Ryan Bingham. The film uses planes-eye views of midwestern towns to set up scenes, and it plays to my love of structure and maps. Some folks say it’s “timely” because the subject matter is layoffs. Well, those folks are missing the point. The movie is timely because it deals with the disconnect of folks from “real life.” Ryan Bingham uses travel to disconnect. People increasingly use technology to do the same. It’s a brilliant, sad movie. 10 out of 10.
My favorite movie of the year, and a sure-fire winner for Best Animated Feature, is Up. I thought Wall-E was the second best (behind Slumdog) movie of 2009. I thought Up was better. There is a scene near the beginning of the movie that wordlessly deals with the issues of aging, unfulfilled dreams, miscarriage, childlessness, dying, death, and loneliness. Throughout the movie, you see a (cartoon!) character who is old, but ultimately short-sighted when it comes to the fullness of his life, come to grips with how adventures are best shared with other people, and old things are just things. Sure, the movie has cute talking dogs and flying houses. But the story is moving, and the animation is the best Pixar has ever done. 10 out of 10 with a bullet.
Ultimately, Avatar will win, and probably should. It was a ridiculous technical achievement. But Up is certainly my favorite, and I hope that it isn’t just relegated to the “second class” award for Animated Feature. Original Screenplay would be a good consolation prize.
One more note on the Oscars: I am excited for Alec Baldwin and Steve Martin to host. I thought Hugh Jackman was good, this will be better. Especially if we see Steve Martin’s banjo at some point.
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Agree or Disagree with Ross' assessments? Who are you rooting for on Sunday?
Click here for a complete printable listing of the Oscar nominees. I'll be live-tweeting the show on Sunday night, sitting in my home roughly a mile from the red carpet. You can follow my tweet stream.
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