Welcome to Mommy Mondays. Usually there are pictures of my kid around here on Mondays, but today we're going in a slightly different direction.
I have a tendency to obsess. My mind swirls, my journal gets an earful.
Obsession gets me nowhere, but darn if I don't try to make it a fuel for my fire. I usually end up miserable and frustrated.
I will squeeze something so tight that we wrestle to the floor until finally, exhausted, I unclench my grip and stand up and walk away.
This list is ever-evolving, but here are a few things I'm letting go of right now:
1. Cute PJ's. This may seem silly and shallow to you, but I fret over pajamas. Pajamas! I like to be comfortable, so I stay in my pajamas as long as possible in the morning and change into them as early as is acceptable in the evenings. I've tried cute ones, sexy ones, plain tanks, long and soft, every style imaginable. But you know what I keep coming back to? Victoria's Secret giant cotton boyfriend sweatpants and a t-shirt. The older and rattier the better.
I want my husband to think I look cute when we're lounging around the house, and I don't want to be embarrassed when I answer the door for the Fed Ex man. But I cannot seem to train my brain to be comfy in anything else. For now, this is not a battle I'm going to fight, no matter how much of a microcosm it is for my overall appearance concerns.
(I know I may be alone in my pajama worry, but don't judge. Do you constantly fret over your hair or your jeans or your shoes? You're convinced that if that one thing was right, the rest of your look would click into place? That's how I feel about pajamas. Pajamas!)
2. Pigtail's Affection Level. I have done something as a mom that I never, ever thought I would do: I watch Pigtail's reactions like a hawk to mentally compare them. I could probably do a whole psychobabble Mommy Monday post on this one, it's such a confession.
The thing is, Pigtail is not particularly affectionate. She'll let you love on her, but she's not much of a cuddler herself. And if you get too huggy, she'll flat push you away. But I watch to see if she's doing it to her daddy, to her nanny, to her Uncle R.
Instead of taking a personal insult from a 7-month-old, I should probably take a deep breath.
3. Friendship Behaviors. This, too, could be an entire series of posts, but I'll refrain. One of the biggest lessons I've learned in the past year is that within the ebb and flow of your friendships, you have to manage your expectations. It is highly possible that you may feel yourself ebbing away from someone while they are feeling particularly flow-y towards you. And vice versa. I think, with certain people in your life who are here to stay, if you can learn to accept them for who they really really are - not who you expect them to be - you'll spend significantly less time disappointed.
Now, if I can confess to pajama stress, then you can certainly feel free to say what grips you at noon on a Thursday. What are you letting go of lately?
