hollywood housewife

not waiting

I really wanted this summer to be about Not Waiting.  Somehow the end of last year became an endless cycle of Waiting For The Next Thing and I was aware of how antsy, how desperate, I felt most days but wasn't sure how to make it better.

Waiting for the remodel to finish, Waiting for Pigtail to walk, Waiting for the movie to be over, Waiting to get pregnant.

Then all of those things happened.  After the movie was over, Pigtail toddled around a finished bathroom, in the same space where I found out I was pregnant again.

Then what?

Pregnancy sickness set in and I felt like my heart hit the reset button.

Waiting to puke, waiting to not puke, waiting for a friendship to heal, waiting for this blog to write itself, waiting to escape to the lake.

Then all of those things happened.

Now it's almost July and I've spent five weeks at the lake, purposefully Not Waiting.  It's been a perspective check that I needed and dreaded. 

I think I've finally hit a different sort of reset button. 

my wedding: ten things I would do differently

The Gorilla and I swapped those sacred vows on a beautiful September day, but June is traditionally THE wedding month so I thought I would revisit our Savannah wedding weekend with a few years of perspective.  I originally wrote this post about a year after the Big Day, but the sentiments are the same.  The day I married The Gorilla was the best day of my life.

Even though I no longer have my tivo set for Platinum Weddings or Bridezillas, I can still talk about weddings for hours.  The things I loved about my own or others, the things I should have done differently, the things one should always think about, the surprises, the memories, the priorities.  I will probably be one of those wives who forces my husband to have vow renewal ceremonies every once in a while, just so I can throw a fun party again. 

Not that a wedding is only about a fun party.  Your vows should be the most sacred words you ever express to another, the commitment taken seriously.  But I’ll tell you I wasn’t lying in bed night after night pondering my love for The Gorilla.  No, my mind swirled with table arrangements and rehearsal dinner outfits and the bow versus no bow conflict.  All the important things. 

So while my wedding was truly the day of my dreams, there are a few things I would tweak if I could do it all over again.  Our wedding was large and was a destination affair, so there was plenty of room for mistakes.  Here are ten of the things I did wrong, and how I would do it differently:

why don't parents send their kids to summer camp anymore?

I spent ten of my childhood summers at sleepaway camp in Missouri.  I started when I was eight, and the term was four weeks long.  The only parental contact was through letters, and this one month a year on my "own" was as influential on my life as anything else I could name. 

When I tell people that I went away for such a lengthy period of time at such a young age, they are usually aghast.  They can't believe my parents would do that, they can't believe that I loved it, they simply cannot imagine sending their own children away like that.  (As if it were punishment instead the best time of my life and, let's face it, probably a great break for my parents.) 

Most of the kids I knew went to some kind of summer camp, ranging from week-long church camps to five and six week-long athletic camps.  This doesn't seem to be the norm anymore, especially the longer terms.

From the many conversations I've had with people on this subject, I think there are three main factors that parents don't do this anymore:

Cost is the most obvious and current factor.  With a slumping economy, luxuries like camps and vacations are among the first to go.  And sleepaway camps are not cheap and are certainly not getting cheaper.  If families do have money set aside for summer fun, they'll probably opt for something less singular than summer camp.  This is understandable.

Athletic programs.  As sports leagues become more and more competitive (read: crazy), kids are expected to spend their summers training or practicing or attending required camps for their particular sport.  This trend is becoming more and more prevalent and I've known more than one family that has had to rearrange their vacations or other schedules to accomodate a sports team.  This, to me, is outrageous.  But also a reality.

Parenting has changed.  I assure you that my parents felt no guilt when they put me on a bus each year bound for the Ozarks.  In fact, I know they saw it as an investment in my life.  These days, you're not considered an "involved parent" unless you know your childs every move and are on the committee for every structured activity.  Among the things said to me regarding summer camp are, "I could never be away from them that long" or "My child wouldn't do well, he needs me."  But summer camp taught me things that I never, ever would have learned at home.  Keeping a clean bunk, accountablility as part of a cabin or team, not to mention the mental and physical hurdles I crossed when faced alone with a water slide, a zipline, or a barn swing, made an enormous difference in how I approached my school year and the rest of the world around me.  These are things that I could not have learned in my own home in the same way.

My nieces now go to the same summer camp where my siblings and I share memories.  My camp, once thriving with long wait lists, has now consolidated to two terms instead of three and cut back in other ways to make up for the waning applications.  Even so, I have seen this new generation affected in the same way I was each summer, and I email friends that I've known from our years of sunburns and ponytails and I tell them that the chain has continued. 

I just hope that it's not a tradition that dies away completely. 

photo by Leshaines123

through a window

The shock has started to wear off and is replaced by a heavy sadness.  For the first few days last week, I couldn't make my thoughts form a straight line.  I would walk into one room and start a task, then wander into another room and stand there unsure of what I was supposed to be doing. 

Grief is something that comes in waves.  I'll forget for a little bit and then think to myself, "Why am I so out of it?"  And then I'll remember.  Or I'll think, "Has anyone told Ryan?"  And then I'll remember. 

The public-ness of this has been an added element, especially given the circumstances of this tragedy.  I truly appreciated this post, and the thoughts behind using a celebrity death as an object lesson.

For me, I'm now focused on my husband as he goes through this difficult time.  In an effort to return to some semblance of normality, I will resume my regular posting schedule tomorrow. 

I cannot thank you enough for your thoughts, prayers, and messages.  I wish I could respond to every single one.  Our family has been bouyed by the outpouring of love for RD and condolences from friends and strangers.

Thank you for making the world seem smaller and bigger all at the same time.

Comments on this post are closed.

n'awesome

I don't share much about my husband's friends or my relationship to them, because that is not the spirit of this blog.  But this week it feels appropriate, to honor someone who was so special to us, someone who was a member of our extended family.

Even the most casual viewer of the jackass series or movies can see that the nine main cast members share something deeper than injury appreciation.  These guys are not acting, they are incapable of faking the comaraderie that they portray amidst their infamous stunts.  On the screen and off, they cheer the others victories and worry in times of trouble.  They are a brotherhood.

Like in any family, there have been strains and quarrels, lovefests and happiness.  As a group, they have been working hard and playing hard together for over a decade.  This is where the family extends beyond what you see on the screen.  There is a core group of people that have produced these shows and movies together and the jackass family has grown from just a few guys with a video camera to include loyal crew members, significant others, and millions of fans. 

Over the past eleven years, they have weathered injuries, divorces, surgeries, and intervention.  But not until this week has there been such a loss.  The sudden passing of Ryan Dunn has overwhelmed our family.

There are so many things to say about him, but I'll stick to speaking only for myself.  Ryan was always one of my favorites.  He treated me exactly the same - with a hug, a smile, an inside joke - when I was a newbie production assistant as when I was the director's wife.  I saw this time and again, his lack of pretentiousness.  Chatting in the car or one-liners for the camera, his sense of humor is easily the wittiest and in our household he is the most quoted.  When everyone is sitting around waiting on the next take, waiting on lunch, Ryan is who you most want to plop down next to.  

Ryan was relaxed and unaffected even when there was drama and chaos surrounding him.  He was, by far, in the most stable of relationships for the duration of the decade and in Ireland on the press trip we had a long talk about love and what it means.  His perspective on his longtime girlfriend always impressed me and he never wavered in his admiration and awe of her.   

All week Jeff and I have talked about how particularly great Ryan was during this last movie.  He seemed as content as we've ever known him.  We've been sharing our favorite memories and telling stories, and while that's healing in a way, the unspoken hangs in the air while we're quiet.  It's inconceivable that as a family we'll never again be whole.  

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To understand the title of this post, you can read my husband's emotional (and gross) tribute to Ryan by clicking here.    

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We are devastated by the loss of our friend and jackass family member Ryan Dunn. 

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Thank you for your messages of love and support.  Please know that I have read them all and they are deeply appreciated.

things my husband does way better than me

If it were a fair representation of our marriage and our parenting, half of the Mommy Mondays would actually be Daddy Mondays. 

Things that my husband does way better than me:

1.  He gets up in the morning.  Cheerfully. 

For the whole of her life, The Gorilla has taken on morning duty.  I am a cranky, ugly mess for the first hour of the day but he is not.  He doesn't mind a wailing toddler alarm.  He gets her dressed and feeds her breakfast and they play outside with the turtles for awhile.  Since his work schedule often means he gets home after she's already in bed at night, this is their special time together.  Meanwhile I curse the daylight and blindly search for a cold Dr. Pepper.

2.  He feeds her fruits and vegetables. 

You might not know that I don't eat many fruits and vegetables.  I know this is, like, anti-human, but I'm an adult and I can do what I wanna.  I may or may not have given Pigtail a cupcake for breakfast in the last few weeks.  But The Gorilla is so great at feeding her healthy choices.  He makes her eggs in the morning and steams her peas at night.  He cuts up mango and shares his banana.  We're hoping she inherits his eating habits and not mine.

3.  He rough houses with her and she likes it. 

Pigtail may look like a little thing, but she is a force at playtime.  Together, the wrestle and toss and spin wildly on the swingset.  I usually watch with amusement, camera in hand.  Many times I have employed the phrase, "Momma doesn't like it when you jump on her head."

4.  Not worrying.

I wouldn't exactly call myself a worry wart, but I do get anxiety about all kinds of things that would never cross The Gorilla's mind.  And when I voice my concerns, he is consistently the voice of reason.  This doesn't make much of a difference in Pigtail's life now, but as she grows up I'm glad that she'll have such a steady hand to hold onto. 

When I first met The Gorilla, having a family was the furthest thing from his mind.  One of my strengths?  Changing that. 

Happy Father's Day to the best partner I could ask for. 

(To see what I wrote about my own father last year, click here.)

{giveaway} maya brenner necklace winner

I am so excited to announce that the winner of the Maya Brenner states necklace giveway is....

Courtney Davis!   Here's her comment:

"You can take the girl out of Oklahoma but you can't take the Oklahoma out of the girl, that's for sure! Being a fellow OK girl that has since moved away, I have to say that my heart is STILL in OK, even though I now reside in Texas.

So many things I love are in Oklahoma...my entire family, the root beer stand I grew up going to, the place where my parents met, my college (GO SOONERS!), the Sonic where I met and fell in love with Brian almost 12 years ago (on roller skates I must add), the hill where my dad was laid to rest when I was 16, the park where I finally landed my back-hand-spring, and so much more.

I know it's a small token, but I think having the state necklace of Oklahoma around my neck would remind me....there's no place like HOME, no matter where I am."

Congratulations, Courtney!  I know that you'll love your necklace. 

friday links - rituals edition

Pigtail and I were enjoying what has become our evening lake ritual when our friends pulled up to the dock.  My toddler was as naked as the day she was born splashing in a plastic tub, and I was bare belly out on the lounge reading a book about Motley Crue. 

As we all greeted one another and commented on the beautiful sunset, I felt so far from Los Angeles.  I'm so grateful for the balance.

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For your weekend reading pleasure:

If you're a fellow blogger and, like me, you're frequently confused about the PR side of it in relation to the online world, I thought this was a good read. (In Good Taste)

Also on the topic of blogging (can you tell that it's been on my mind lately?), Momcomm is a blog about blogging and I've found her tips and insights really interesting.  I especially like her individual blog critiques.  (MomComm)

It's too late for me to do anything like this for my pregnancy, but I like looking at the things that other people do.  Mama Mia's Maternity Book (Hanna Mac Photography)

I have always liked Nadine Jolie: I get Botox.  I like it.  Sue me!

Darren Rowse is such a fount of information on so many things: 21 Settings, Techniques, and Rules All New Camera Owners Should Know.  (Digital Photography School)

This book of notes that someone made for their husband was easily the best thing I saw this week.  I just love stuff like that. (hello, friend)

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If you haven't yet, make sure you enter the Maya Brenner states necklace giveaway.  You have until tonight to leave a comment on the post, and I'll post the winner over the weekend.

I hope that you have a wonderful Father's Day weekend.  I just love June.

Happy weekend, HH readers!

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bang braid

I have a love/hate relationship with my bangs.  I generally hate them.  Hate dealing with them, hate the way they look in the moment.  (If you're a newer reader, please see here as to why I was forced to cut bangs.  It wasn't a love for Zooey Deschanel, though she is the epitome of bang beauty.)  But bull if I don't look at pictures and notice every single time that I look better with bangs.  They're just more flattering to my face.

But back to hating them.  I've been slowly growing them out for awhile, especially now in anticipation of baby number two.  Flattering or not, for the first months of this kid's life I need to be able to throw up my hair and go and not fuss with wonky forehead hairs. 

So anyone who's grown out bangs before knows that the awkward stage where they're too long to fix but too short to ignore goes on forever.  My latest way to combat this transitional period is the bang braid.  

 

I first saw the bang braid on Lauren Conrad a couple of years ago and immediately thought, "That is darling.  I would never do that."  But then I kept seeing pictures of bang braid variations and decided they looked cute, functional, and very lake-y.

I encourage you to try it.  Experiment with different thicknesses.  I like the look of the thicker braid, but my fine hair really looks better when it's skinnier.  I secure it behind my ear with a bobby pin.

Probably not appropriate for the office, but perfect for the weekend!