hollywood housewife

friday links - fifth anniversary edition

My friend sent me pictures from a baby shower she threw in Manhattan last weekend.  Look how cute this table setup is!  I love the elephant theme, with sunflowers in the vases filled with peanuts. 

She got the elephant tags and cupcake toppers from this etsy seller.

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On the HH facebook page this week I showed you which celebrities had jumped on the pink-tipped hair bandwagon, what album I've had on repeat for months, and what my house has in common with the Beverly Hillbillies. 

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For your weekend reading pleasure:

When You Comment On My Blog.  I couldn't have said it better myself.  (Joy the Baker)

This made me giggle.  Mr. Wizard's a Dick. (Language in the title - obviously - but not in the video.)

I clicked on this sight to read Why I Am Dropping the Business Side of Blogging, but what I really loved was Don't Read This If You Want Your Life To Stay the Same.  (Frugal Mama)  

Little Free Library made my heart so happy.  (Design Mom)

My blogging friend Karin launched her new blog Trophy Mom Diaries. Check out Everything You Need to Know about Eyelash Extensions and her big giveaway.

And finally, 4 Beauty Tips for Women Who Normally Don't Give a Crap.  (Nish Happens)

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HH around the web:

In Anticipation of Fall, a Q&A with Laura of Hollywood Housewife. (For the love of)

My favorite mom blogs is a list I made this week for my allParenting column.

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We'll be celebrating our anniversary this weekend and also spending time with some special family. 

Happy weekend, HH readers!

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two wedding dresses

I had two wedding dresses.  I had a beautiful dramatic gown for the ceremony and a flowy, comfortable gown for the reception.  I didn't plan it this way, it just happened.

what you're not supposed to say after visiting the third world

I didn’t come home from Sri Lanka broken hearted.  I know I’m not supposed to say that.  I know that I should tell you how hard it was to meet the poorest of the Sri Lankan nation, how my soul melted into a puddle at the sight of their anguish and how I wanted to come home and sell all of my earthly possessions.

But that is not how I felt.

In the weeks leading up to my first visit to a third world country, I tried as hard as I could to prepare my heart for what I would see.  I prayed and I worried.  I did not want to become broken under the palm trees, in front of the other bloggers, in front of my readers.  But everyone told me that I would, so I prepared in that way.  I pictured visiting the sick and dying.  I tried not to catch my breath when I thought of it. 

And then we went to Sri Lanka.  Our first stop was at a parade, where the joy was palpable.  The next few days were spent meeting people in great need.  They needed resources, education.  They needed clean water, a hug, and more food.  They needed access to electricity and drivable roads.  What they did not need, it seemed, was an explanation of hope. 

The people I met in Sri Lanka were smart and determined.  They were fully aware of what the presence of World Vision could mean for their community and they wanted to put in the work to make it happen.  Since World Vision works only with existing or community-started programs (and not through churches or by creating their own idea of what an area needs), the people already had an ownership and pride about the things being done there. 

Instead of weeping, there were moments I wanted to cheer.  Instead of collapsing, I wanted to prop others up.  The needs were great, but there was a plan in place for them to be met.  Mala’s eyes did not read of anguish, they read of a future.

I know my time in Sri Lanka was only the tiniest glimpse of third world poverty.  I know that there are parts of the world - just down my street in Hollywood, in fact - where there is deep despair.  Where it feels like nothing can be done, so great are the Somethings to be done.  But when I saw transformation through World Vision’s eyes, when I saw fifteen years stretched out before the Sri Lankan people, I felt emboldened to contribute to this change.  I felt like sustainable help had arrived, and that my measly pledge would be a piece of the anchor. 

So I just want you to know that it’s not one sad story after another after another.  I want you to know that I fully expected to cry out for all who are hurting - and I could, for every nation - but instead was met with inspiration. 

It didn’t feel like walking around with your head in your hands saying What To Do, What To Do. 

It felt like This Is What To Do.  So I did. 

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I was honored to travel to Sri Lanka with World Vision last month.  I learned a ton about world poverty, sustainable aid, and myself.  After many questions and much skepticism, I finally understood what child sponsorship means, and how it helps so much more than just a single person or family.  If you are interested in learning more about sponsoring a child in Sri Lanka, click here.

Top photo by Matthew Paul Turner

three recent beauty finds

A few little beauty sticks I've stumbled across recently that I like enough to recommend:

Clinique Chubby Stick moisturizing lip color balm in Voluptuous Violet.  I bought this right before I went to Sri Lanka.  My lips always get super dry when I travel, and this gave just the sheerest wash of color.  Don't be frightened by the deep color of the tube.  It's very light in reality.  The top color of my hand picture below took several strokes to make it show up even that much.

Sephora Collection Jumbo Eye Liner 12HR.  I like this crayon style liner because it's virtually mistake-proof.  It's not too dense, so I can throw it on quickly and it doesn't have to be perfect.  It claims to be waterproof, though I haven't exactly tried it out in the pool.  I like the price ($12) and the variety of colors.  I wear the brown for daytime, but I also bought a smoky black and a fun blue.

Loreal Extra Intense Eyeliner in Carbon Black.  I picked this up when I went to an event and forget my entire makeup bag.  A swing through a close drugstore for a few essentials yielded this eye liner.  It's called Extra Intense for a reason.  Sucker is BLACK.  If I were more artistic about my eyes, this would make a fabulous cat eye or wing tip.  I was just satisfied with its hefty dose of drama. 

Have you found any new beauty products lately?

generically good

Mondays are for moms at HH.  It's like the blind leading the blind.

I often think of myself as a generically good mom.  I do all of the things I’m supposed to do.  I love my kids with all of my heart and soul.  I give them daily affirming words and affectionate touch.  When needed, I discipline with a firm line.  We do music class and go to the park and they have to eat dinner before dessert. 

I do a lot of things “right.”

But then I think about what made my mom and dad such really good parents.  It wasn’t because my mom served organic food (she didn’t, ever) or because my dad spent every Saturday tossing the ball with us in the backyard (he didn’t, ever).  My parents were good role models for me because they were kind and decent people, who made our family their first priority but not their only priority. 

I had to solo parent for the past week.  So I went from being a barely present parent last month to being a fully focused mom.  I admit that it was jarring.  I had several moments when I was in tears.  Nothing outrageous, just your average frustrations with a toddler, the clinginess of a baby, my own emotions scurrying around.

I got in trouble for putting sweets in my daughter’s preschool lunch and I pushed my son past his nap for two days out of five.  But I also got us out and about for fun and productivity, and cooked meals and cookies.  You win some, you lose some.

What I noticed this week, while speaking with my daughter about the mundane and the serious, is that her growing up forces me out of my parenting box.  When your kids are tiny, there’s just not a whole ton that you can do beyond checking off the box of necessities.  Are they fed? Check. Diapered? Check. Clothed appropriately? Check check.  Make sure you’ve surrounded them with lots of love and you’re winning the day.

But now, three years into it, things start to carry a different weight. We’ve moved far beyond the checklist of survival.  Pigtail is asking some big questions, and she’s listening to my answers.  She’s often asking and listening over and over and over. 

In theory, this responsibility scares me.  Before I was a parent, the task of raising up a human seemed enormous.  But in reality, no one else can speak to my kids like I can.  No one else knows when to count ominously, “1...2...don’t make me get to 3” or when to kneel down with open arms.  Someone else might guess.  They would probably even guess correctly.  Parenting isn’t rocket science.  Still, they wouldn’t be in tune with my child in the same way I am, feeling about them the way I do.  They’re as much a part of me as my feet or my fingers. 

It’s not so much about what I’m doing “right” or “wrong,” or if there is even such a thing.  Those choices are all subjective, yet it’s those things that get all tangled in our brain.  The kisses on my baby’s neck, the words I choose in explanation to my daughter, how I treat myself and others, those are the things that shape my kids. 

So I guess I’m not a generic mom, after all.      

photo by Greer Inez

my favorite emmys 2012 red carpet fashion

Some dramatic hits and misses on the Emmys red carpet tonight.  Here are three looks I absolutely loved:

Emily Van Camp in J. Mendel, Julie Bowen, Sarah Hyland in Marchesa

But my three very favorite were full of drama:

Ginnifer Goodwin in Monique Lhuillier, January Jones in Zac Posen, Leslie Mann in Naeem Khan

Did you watch?  Who were your favorites?

friday links - connection edition

It was just coincidence that the week after I returned from Sri Lanka, I turned around and flew across the country to host twenty fellow bloggers at my lake house.

The bonding I experienced with the World Vision group was so intense, I learned so much about myself, I was almost worried that I wouldn't be fully present on the little retreat we threw.  I was suffering from connection fatigue.

But is there such a thing?  The weekend meant so much to me, I won't even try to put it into words.  I'll let Jen and Sarah tell it.

photo by Kelly Sauer

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For your weekend reading pleasure:

Shepard Fairey lives in my neighborhood (so I'm told).  No matter how you feel about him as an artist, his story is fascinating from a marketing perspective.  How an Unknown Street Artist Used Content Marketing to Build a Global Brand.  (Copyblogger)

I've always wanted to go to Israel.  Everyone I know who has gone has said it is life changing.  This trip with Candace Cameron Bure looks pretty cool.

How to have awesome bangs. (Tiny Twig)

These pictures are just sexy.  I love the first one especially.  (Willow & Frank)

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My own writing around the internet this week:

These are my five Home Trends I'm (still) not over.  (Simple Design)

Cardigans are the best fall staples.  Here are some of my favorites.  (allParenting)

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Don't forget to enter the Clarisonic Mia 2 giveaway!  Ends tonight.

On the HH facebook page, I shared my favorite Levis skinny jeans (which are currently on sale) and talked about a couple new books that I want to read.  (Note: the widget in my sidebar displaying what I'm currently reading or have read is broken.  Typepad says they're working on it, but I may have to find a new way to share.  In the meantime, you can always find me on goodreads.)

I am looking forward to a slow, lazy weekend. 

Happy weekend, HH readers!

Enter your email address in the box in the right sidebar to receive my posts as emails, or subscribe using your favorite reader.  If you're more the facebook type, you can "like" HH here and receive all my posts + original content in your news stream.

lazy brain

It’s rare to stand in a pivotal moment and recognize it as such.  I knew when I prepared mentally and emotionally for my first trip to a third world country, so far from my own home, that I would return a little bit of a different person.  I just thought it would look a certain way, and it didn’t.

I changed in all the predictable ways, and I don't discount those.  It was good for me to broaden my worldview in a way that didn't involve landmarks and unusual architecture.  It was good to put a real face on need, to want to do more to better the world than writing a check.  I have images burned into my blood.

But a surprising byproduct of nine days in Sri Lanka came from spending 16 hours a day with a group of incredibly smart writers.  We spent huge chunks of time in a van driving and all of our evenings down a long communal dinner table, then hunkered over the glow of laptops.  As conversations unfolded about theology and publishing and marriage and politics, I was more intellectually stimulated than I have been in over five years. 

It crept on me slowly, with sadness and surprise, that I have let my brain get lazy.  In my daily life, I only follow things I already know something about.  If something comes up on my radar that I don't know much about, I often dismiss it, thinking that I don't have the time or desire to put into researching or that it isn't relevant to me. 

This isn't to say that I've become a total dumbo.  I read a lot, all sorts of things, and I follow politics closely.  But those things are easy for me.  I understand literature, I understand the two-party system.  I immerse myself in them like many people do sports.  It's enjoyable for my interests, but rarely does it stretch into thoughtful critical analysis. 

I listened to Tony deconstruct whole religions and Roxy talk about life as a magazine editor.  I heard about Shawn's time in England and Allison's choice to go to Wheaton.  And I thought to myself, I have so much to learn.

I quit my career in reality television five years ago this fall, just after I got married.  My reasons for quitting weren't so complicated, but how I felt about myself for the next two years were.  I felt “less than” for a long time without an answer for how I spent my days without a job or a baby.  I slowly made peace with my choices, and I slowly made babies.  Now people pay me to write, so lots of those insecurities have come to a natural conclusion.  But the side effect of not going in to a day job is that I'm not around people very often.  I'm around ideas (of my own creation) and children (of my own creation) and that is not enough for me to stretch this mass in my head.

I left the other side of the world weak and weary but my mind was strong with my own determination and possibility.  I want to use this life I was given, I want to exercise my talents and not fall into the comfort trap.  I am having A Moment, and I will cling to it.

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This post was a personal reflection on my time in Sri Lanka, but I have so much more to say about that trip.  Over the next weeks, I'll slowly be unrolling some of the parts of the journey to the other side of the world.  I explain what child sponsorship means here.  If you're interested in sponsoring a child through World Vision, please click here.

clarisonic mia 2 {giveaway}!

I've been so crazed lately, flying here, there, and everywhere.  I don't even know what time zone I'm in anymore.

What I DO know is that my skin looks better than it has since I entered my baby-making years.  I know that it's a combination of things (namely that I started taking care of it all), but the thing I've sworn by the most, the thing I've told everyone within earshot about, is my Clarisonic Mia 2 Skin Cleaning System.

I use it almost daily in the shower.  It has changed the texture of my face.  It is my single favorite beauty product of 2012.

I want you to have one.  

My jet-lagged self is giving away one Clarisonic Mia 2 in Mango (a fun, orange-y fall color).  The set includes the Mia 2, universal charger, sensitive brush head, trial-size cleanser, and travel case.

I'm trying a new way for giveaways this time.  Using rafflecopter below, you get one entry by leaving a blog comment, one entry for "liking" the HH facebook page, and one entry for subscribing to HH through a reader.  If you do all of these things, you get three entries!  (If you're already a subscriber or facebook fan, please click those as entries.  I don't want to leave anyone out.)

You have until Friday, September 21 at 11:59pm EST to enter. 

Rafflecopter will make it so much easier for you to enter and for me to choose a winner.  I will notify the winner over the weekend and they will have 48 hours to claim it.  While I fully purchased my own Mia 2 for personal use, Clarisonic provided the prize for this giveaway.

Good luck! 

a Rafflecopter giveaway

having it all

I've been away from my husband and kids for fifteen out of the last twenty-six days.  Ten days in Sri Lanka, five days hosting a creative weekend, a reality show thrown in between.

I am tired in a way I have never been before, I am filled up in a way that I haven't been in years. 

I am craving my children. I want to hold their little hands, hold the heaviness of their sleeping bodies.  I want to look up across the table and smile a secret to my husband.  As much as possible, I accept the chaos of our life and schedule, those things both chosen and not.  But after fifteen (twenty-six) days of missing, I want to push my daughter in the swing, with no reason to stop. 

I am headed home to kiss the faces I love.  These weeks have given me purpose and direction, bumping straight into who I am as a wife and mother.  I always thought when they said, "You can have it all, but not at the same time," they meant seasons of life. 

Now I think they just meant in the same day.