Welcome to Mommy Monday, my designated day to wax poetic about my 11-month-old daughter. MM's have been on hiatus the last two weeks due to Labor Day and the VMAs, but we're back with a subject that's on my mind: Nanny.
There is one person who makes Pigtail's eyes light up, her toothy grin instantly appear. It's not her momma or her daddy, it's not even one of her enthusiastic grandparents. The person that sends Pigtail dancing with excitement: her nanny.
I don't question why. Nanny loves Pigtail. Nanny massages Pigtail's feet when she's drinking her bottle and never appears frustrated when Pigtail launches item after item from her high chair to the floor. Nanny hangs on Pigtail's every word and loves on her with ease. Nanny's entire time with Pigtail is spent on Pigtail.
Make no mistake: Nanny takes care of more than just the baby. When we return from a trip, The Gorilla and I are as happy to see Nanny as we are to see our own bed. She takes care of our home, our turtles, and our peace of mind. Nanny has worked for The Gorilla for years and years so she is well-versed in our habits. When we added Pigtail to our family, Nanny embraced her as one of her own. I know how lucky we are, living so far away from our families, to have Nanny.
I force myself to swallow my disappointment when I see how Pigtail responds to Nanny, and my eyes look away when I catch Nanny playing on the floor with my child, when it should be me. I see these things when I dash through the house during a slew of errands or when I take a break from endless phone calls, and I think of them fleetingly when I'm multi-tasking dinner, and de-cluttering, and making travel arrangements.
It's not what I thought mommy guilt would feel like.
Mommy guilt feels strangely like jealousy.