hollywood housewife

the goldfinch and the dinner

There was a time in my life when I didn’t want to read the book that everyone was reading. I was trying to be very counter-culture or perhaps snobby. But then I realized that I like talking about books better than I like not talking about books, so that means it’s fun to read the books that everyone’s talking about.

(And sometimes this means you’re blown away by a book and totally get the hype, and other times you think a book is getting WAY too much credit.)

The Goldfinch by Donna Tartt has been that book for the last six months. It’s length is pretty intimidating, but I got it fairly cheaply ($7.50 on the kindle), so I went for it anyway.

I liked it. I’m not falling all over myself raving about it, but it’s good. The first half is very good. It begins with a young boy who is in a New York City museum when it explodes, and I sped through all of that part about his remaining childhood in New York and his teendom in Vegas. It was after Vegas that I started to like him (and the story) a lot less, which is probably the point.

There were a lot of metaphors in The Goldfinch, themes throughout about what is precious to you and what you believe because you want to believe it. I don’t read books looking for analysis threads, so if I picked up on it then it was there.

I didn’t always understand the time line. Tartt never gives a year of the various events in question, but it seemed confusing that people were using cell phones and ipods in the early parts of the story but the latter half appeared to be the current year? I suppose it was just a way to skirt the timeframe issue, but the details that made it confusing seemed unnecessary. I also really wanted to know more about the actual explosion, but that’s never revealed, either.

I’m glad I read it because it was good storytelling and is the book of the moment. The Goldfinch is not my kind of beach read, however, so read it now if you’re gonna.

I read The Dinner by Herman Koch for book club and I plunged in without knowing a thing about it. It was a perfect book club read because it opens all sorts of interesting discussions.

I don’t want to reveal too much about The Dinner because it unfolds in a really interesting way, but I will say that it’s a thinker. The first 100 pages, the description of two couples having dinner at a restaurant, are so full of incredible details and dynamics, I was eating it up. Pun intended.

The Dinner feels like a play - in fact they’re making it into a movie, but it will be one of those movies that should have been a play - and I happen to love wordy, not-much-plot scenarios like this. (I really liked August: Osage County and I loved Carnage even though I’ve never publicly said that until now because I don’t support Roman Polanski.)

If you like dark things, almost comedy but really sort of terrifying things, you’ll love The Dinner.

What are you reading lately?

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my personal blogging truths

I've been blogging about blogging all week because Blogging Is My Favorite. Read about Blogging Boundaries, When and How Much I Blog, Blogging and Social Media, also Blogging Tools and Resources and How Bloggers Make Money.

Now that you’ve listened to me ramble all week about my passion for blogging, I’m going to lay out a few of my personal blogging truths. I still feel like blogging is part of the wild west, there are no set rules and everyone approaches it differently. But after a few years at this game, I’ve found a rhythm that works for me.

Be consistent. From the beginning I’ve vowed to myself to be a consistent blogger and I think it’s the #1 thing that has kept my audience growth steady. Of course there have been a few exceptions for illness or travel, but most weeks of the year I post at the very least on Monday and Friday. Most of the time I’ll also post in-between, but if nothing else, my readers know there will be fresh content when they check in on Monday, and if they come back on Friday there will be links and maybe something else to catch up on.

I think this is crucial when you’re starting out. You’ll lose an audience fast if they come back in a week and there’s nothing new there. A lot of Big Time Bloggers post willy-nilly, but they’ve earned that right. Their readers will consume anything they put out there, whenever they post it. For the rest of us, it’s a good discipline and fair to the readers to be consistent. Start small if that idea overwhelms you. Just say “I’m going to post on Monday. Every Monday. No matter what.” And see where it takes you.

 

blogging is my favorite: how bloggers make money

I've been blogging about blogging all week because Blogging Is My Favorite. Read about Blogging Boundaries, When and How Much I Blog, Blogging and Social Media, and Blogging Tools and Resources.

 

The money question. This is what everyone wants to know. Are bloggers making money? How much? How?

The short answer is yes, bloggers with a decent-sized platform are making money. Some bloggers - and not always the ones that you’d suspect - are making LOTS of money.

Now, if you’re attending blogging conferences or reading “How To Start A Blog” type books or posts, they’re going to preach at you that normal bloggers ARENT making money. That you shouldn’t expect to make any money, and that you certainly shouldn’t start a blog with money-making in mind. The only statement I’ll agree with there is the last one. If your heart isn’t in it, if you don’t actually enjoy it or find immense value in creating on the internet, then most likely you will not be a successful blogger. But I think that’s true of any small business.

As I’ve laid out earlier this week, blogging well and consistently takes a ton of time. But if you build it, they will come, as the saying goes. And then once you’ve built the platform, almost entirely from your own sweat and tears and will barely any income as an incentive, then what? There comes a point with every single blogger I know where they ask themselves why they’re doing this. For some, the benefits don’t outweigh the cost and they burn out. For others, they decide that this thing being a hobby is enough. And for others, there’s cash.

Here are the current traditional ways that bloggers are making money:

blogging is my favorite: tools and resources

I'm talking about blogging all week. See all the posts in this series here.

Now that I’ve laid out how much time it takes, I want to be clear that we’re not exactly spinning yarn here. There are a plethora of tools and resources to help you grow, manage, and maintain your blog. I’ve tried a lot and have settled on a few.

Here are my must-have blogging tools:

Typepad. I built my blog on the Typepad platform and couldn’t be happier about it. I go into all the reasons why I love and stay with Typepad here. It drives me batty that a huge percentage of “serious” bloggers will try and tell you that self-hosted Wordpress is the only way to go. Typepad makes my blogging life about 4,000 times easier than all of my Wordpress friends.

But there are other platforms with a huge online presence, too. Squarespace has been making a splash. And two of the best (and biggest) bloggers I know are still using the free Blogger! Which just goes to show that you don’t need to pay or need all the bells and whistles to have a wildly successful blog.

Mail Chimp. I’ve only been using Mail Chimp for less than a year, but I have a major crush on it. Mail Chimp is an email delivery service, and first I put all of my email subscribers there, and now it’s what I use to deliver the Secret Posts.

Mail Chimp is intuitive and friendly to use. You can build newsletter and email campaigns by just dragging and dropping where you want pictures and text. It’s fun to use and now my blog emails look so pretty.

Evernote. When I’m on the go, Evernote is how I keep track of the ideas and To Dos that float through my mind. I have notebooks for the blog and for our life and they all sync wirelessly from my phone to my iPad to the computer. So if I make a note in my phone while standing in Target, it will be on my computer when I get home.

I can keep a notebook for Friday Links and for sites where HH is featured. I can snap a picture and keep it in Evernote to remind me to do a post about it. It’s a handy and easy little tool. (Side note: I just started experimenting with Wunderlist this week, which I’m still figuring out. I’ll report back.)

 

blogging is my favorite: blogging and social media

I'm doing a series this week called Blogging Is My Favorite. I've talked about boundaries and how much time blogging actually takes. You can read all my posts about blogging here.

When I started seriously blogging in 2010, twitter was the big thing. Bloggers were using facebook to promote their blogs, but pages hadn’t rolled out yet. Instagram and Pinterest weren’t even around yet. So even though in some ways I was late to the major blogging game, I feel like I’ve been a part of the social media explosion.

From the beginning, I’ve made a practice of using each social media platform differently. Unless it’s something I really want to push everywhere (my Secret Posts, for example), I create different content for twitter, facebook, and Instagram. And by “create content” you know I just mean “post different stuff.” I don’t have a huge social media strategy other than to post things I like and not be too repetitive.

The two reasons I use social media every day:

• To connect.

• To get people to my blog.

I genuinely enjoy communicating with zillions of people online, but this blog is my final destination. I’d give all the rest of it up in a second if I had to. And this isn’t just preference. If you’re a blogger, think long and hard before you invest too much time or energy in curating the perfect Instagram feed or cracking the facebook algorithm. You don’t truly own any of that content, nor can you count on those followers. All things should circle around your blog like the sun, and the people who follow you there are your true readers.

blogging is my favorite: when i blog

This week I'm doing a little behind-the-scenes blogging series. Read Blogging Is My Favorite and Blogging Boundaries.

The biggest misconception about blogging is how much time it takes. People seem to believe that we’re tossing up posts in between loads of laundry and Spongebob. Bloggers themselves perpetuate this theory that blogging just sort of happens, shyly saying that they “write during naptime,” etc. For some reason it’s very uncool in a certain section of the blog world to own it that you’re trying to build something bigger, that you view it as a career. Someone recently repeated to me that women bloggers want to keep the stay-at-home mom title, and admitting that good blogs take hours of work every day or that - heavens! - it’s making some money, would negate that perceived lifestyle.

Of course, for some bloggers it is just a hobby, which is great. Blogging is fun in itself and lots of people don’t want the stress of making it any more than that. And there are bloggers out there who are serious about it and are straight up about it (my people!), and that’s important. But the “Oh, this old thing? I just threw it together” attitude is prevalent in the blogosphere. It’s the new superwoman equivalent. If your beautiful blog doesn’t look effortless, well then many would say you’re doing it wrong.

Your favorite bloggers - those that write well, post frequently, or photograph recipes, fashion, or crafts - are spending a lot of time on their blogs. They’re not squeezing it in during naptime. If they don’t have some sort of help (I wrote about having help here, in response to Rebecca Woolf’s excellent piece on having help here), or kids in school all day, I guarantee you that they’re getting up extra early or working late into the night. Solid blogging takes a lot of time. The content itself takes hours, but then if you want anyone to see it you have to have a presence on social media, respond to reader and professional emails, and deal with various backend issues.

One of the many things that is so great about blogging, however, is how flexible it is. You can do it from anywhere with wifi. For my family’s unusual and chaotic life, this fits right into the schedule.

blogging is my favorite: blogging boundaries

This week I'm giving a behind-the-scenes of the blog world. Because Blogging Is My Favorite.

When you first get started blogging, whether it’s just to share with family or if you plan to be more serious about it, set yourself from boundaries.

The first thing you should address should be your privacy level. What are you comfortable sharing and what is off-limits? Ask yourself and ask your spouse. Don’t take on anyone else’s privacy philosophy. Everyone feels differently about this topic. Some say Big Brother is watching our every move anyway, so who cares. Some think predators are crouched on their doorstep just waiting for an internet misstep.

There’s a tiny bit of validity in both those things, but like most people I fall in the middle. I am very aware of what I put online, but I don’t go overboard with worry about it. I post pictures of my children. But I don’t use their real names. I write about hard things, but I omit personal family details.

Because The Gorilla has a large fan base, my decisions on the privacy front are important. But yours are, too. I choose not to use his name because of the search engines. I choose not to use my kids names because as they get older I don’t want their names so closely tied to these stories on the internet, and also because I don’t want strangers calling them by name in person. I think that’s confusing and possibly dangerous for them. (One note about that: one of my very few blog regrets is choosing their blog nicknames without thinking about the future. Never once in all their little lives have I called them Pigtail or Pirate in person, and soon they’re both going to outgrow those monikers anyway. If you’re going to call your kids something else, go with something generic or that will grow with them.)

The logistical element to blogging safely is no small thing, either. Don’t advertise that you’re traveling and leaving an empty house. Don’t advertise that you’re home alone. This is sometimes harder than it seems on the surface, given the instant nature of social media. If I post an Instagram of the kids in the snow, it’s clear I’m not in Los Angeles. So be smart about it. If I’m traveling alone, or with the kids and The Gorilla’s at home, I worry about it less. If we’re all gone, I just try not to be too obvious about it. This is true for everyone online - not just bloggers. I can’t tell you how often I see people post on facebook that the whole family is going out of town for a week. Don’t live in fear, but don’t tempt fate.

blogging is my favorite

Even though I’m passionate about the topic, I haven’t written much about blogging because most readers here aren’t bloggers. And I didn’t want to bore you with the behind-the-scenes nerdiness of this space.

But every few weeks I have a conversation with a non-blogger and they seem interested in the topic, curious about how it all works, or confused on some of the basics. So here we are. I’m going to be running this series all week, so if you have questions or something you want me to cover, let me know. I am hardly an expert blogger - many of my blogging friends have more readers or better design or make (a lot) more money - but I have been doing this for over four years, attended the conferences and read the books, and it just lights me up.

I’ve been really candid about how blogging changed my life in many ways. A newlywed, walking away from a career, lonely in Los Angeles, I started my first little blog thinking it would be a springboard for a line of letterpress cards I was designing. I wrote about the process and my life and designed the cards, even had them made and went through the steps of setting up an Etsy shop and packaging. And then realized that along the way I’d grown ambivalent about card design, but fallen in love with writing on the internet.

It was like a brick over my head. I’d wanted to be a writer since I was a child, but aside from a few stories and terrible poems, I’d never pursued it. I’d written papers in college, and tens of thousands of email words to my friends after, but television production had consumed my 20’s. By the time I finally got honest about what I really wanted to do with my life, people were doing it all over the world wide web instantly.

I scrapped the letterpress cards, got pregnant, and one day when I was home with a newborn decided that life goes fast and I didn’t want to avoid my dream any longer. That night The Gorilla and I sat on our blue couch with a baby between us and tried to brainstorm a good name for a new blog. Hollywood Housewife was one of the first ideas, but I thought it sounded cheesy on about four levels. The Real Housewives franchise was already very popular and I didn’t love the idea of calling myself a Housewife, because it wasn’t exactly true and because I rebelled against labeling myself in terms of a husband.

But we kept circling back around to it, and none of the other names we thought of sounded as catchy. At the time, we lived directly under the Hollywood sign. I was wrestling with the emotions of new motherhood and no longer working. The name might have made me a little itchy, but it sounded good and it was factual. I bought the domain name.

The name was actually owned by a baker in Florida who was sitting on it hoping to sell to Bravo. He asked for an exorbitant price for Hollywood Housewife dot com, but when I pointed out to him that the Real Housewives websites don’t stand alone (they’re part of the Bravo site) and that there were no plans for a Hollywood version of that show, he negotiated down to a more workable price.

I launched Hollywood Housewife in January 2010, to little fanfare and lots of trepidation. I built the blog using Typepad, the platform I was already familiar with because I used it for my smaller blog. The Gorilla helped me design the banner. He’s a former magazine editor and a photoshop genius, and he’s made every incarnation of the title banner since. From the beginning, he’s been encouraging and enthusiastic about my blog, even when I’ve become so frustrated I wanted to quit. He’s never once told me that I couldn’t or shouldn’t post something personal, and even though the online world definitely isn’t his thing, he’s treated it as seriously as I have. I’m really grateful for this, because I know it’s not true in every blogger marriage.

Most of the new friends I’ve made in the last few years have come through blogging. I met three of my closest friends in LA through twitter, separately. I’m involved in several online blogging groups that started off as talking shop, but became personal friendships. My online relationships are ever-evolving as I stay active online, but I look at the difference from where I was emotionally in 2009 - living thousands of miles from my closest friends and feeling a little swallowed by marriage and motherhood - and where I am now, and I know it wasn’t an accident and I know it started with blogging.

Over the next fews days, I’m going to show you how (and how much) I blog, the tools I use, how I make a few bucks (and how others make a lot), and anything else that might come up. Consider this the HH behind-the-scenes footage, the extra features on the DVD. Wobbly camera and all.

READ ALL THE "Blogging is my favorite" POSTS HERE:

Blogging Boundaries

When I Blog

Blogging and Social Media

Blogging Tools and Resources

How Bloggers Make Money

My Personal Blogging Truths

 

utter nothing negative

Each month of the year, I'm challenging myself to make or break a habit. January was shopping, February was exercise, and in March I gave up all social media, which I wrote about at length yesterday.

If my goals for the first three months of the year were challenging, my aim for April is lofty. This month, I’m attempting to utter nothing negative.

I know. It’s a tricky one.

On the one hand, I’m not an overly negative person anyway, so is this really where I should focus my energies? On the other hand, I’ve had this idea in my head for years now (since Shauna Niequist gave up negativity for Lent one year), and an itch usually means a scratch. Or something. What I mean is that if I keep thinking about something, it needs to be addressed.

But as this challenge has loomed in my brain, I keep trying to figure out how to measure. Is it negative to say “I’m freezing!” in a snowstorm? What about “I’m so tired” when it’s true? It’s all subjective. So I’m going with my gut. For the most part, uttering nothing negative is going to have to be based in my attitude. I know the difference between “I hate that guy” and “That guy is not my favorite,” even though it’s nuanced. The first statement rolls out of my mouth, the second one comes after a pause.

The two habits I’m trying to curb: complaining about my current mental and physical state, and speaking harshly about other people.

A few months ago, while the kids and I were cleaning up toys, I said “You guys, Mommy is so....” and then I drifted off distracted. My two-year-old piped up with “Tired!”

It was kind of funny but mostly horrifying. I must say some variation of “I am so tired” enough that my child expects it. Since we’ve been going through sleep struggles, I am often tired. But I don’t want my kids to see me as an exhausted, whiney mom. I don’t want to present myself that way, to them or anyone.

(Note that I am not advocating people “suck it up” when there is a valid, negative state. Emotionally, fake-it-til-you-make-it will only take you so far. But when a particular whine is parroted by your kids, clap your trap.)

Further, I can be catty. I’m among the first to fall for a piece of gossip. This is not my finest quality. If you’ve ever had a real-life conversation with me, you’ve probably heard me label someone as “crazy.” I call all kinds of people crazy. You tweet something I don’t like? I say “Oh, he has lost his mind.” You link to more than one article supporting your radical opinion? Someone might hear me say, “She is a total looney-bin.”

Let’s drop that habit, shall we?

While I believe in the honor system, I'm the type who needs some extra accountability. So there's this: Two jars. One filled with rubber duckies, one empty. For each negative thing I say (thoughts don't count), I'll drop a ducky into the empty jar. At the end of the month, I'll give $5/per duck to charity. At first I was worried the charity part was a dis-incentive, but no. It's just a solution to keep me on track.

I’d love it if you’d join me on this challenge for April. It’s easier than some of the past months because it doesn’t require sweating or disconnection. But it might turn out harder because self-awareness isn’t always your best friend.

And I’ll be documenting it like I did the social media fast.

Except with a positive spin.

 

*photo by Charles Henry via flickr