In the last year or so, I've been actively looking for ways to make our life more simple. I've read books, blogs, listened to podcasts, sat in my own thoughts trying to pare down the chaos, then pare it down some more. It's not that I want to be a minimalist - that's not my style or our family's reality. But I am constantly feeling overwhelmed by the abundance of everything: choices, clutter, chaos. There's a lot of noise in my head, so many voices telling us what to do, how to think, who to be. I crave a calm and peace in our home that is separate from the busy-ness of the everyday world.
This is not merely an existential crisis. The excess of choices bleeds over into how I run my day. There are a myriad of systems of organizing one's email and also one's kitchen cabinets. There's always a new cool or efficient tool or train of thought. So last year, while doing the make or break habits challenge, I decided to find the ways that work for me and then stick to them.
It's been mostly trial and error, and I still haven't got it figured out, not by a longshot. But after reading and thinking a lot about this topic, here are the books that stand out among the many that help you reframe and re-organize towards simplicity:
Essentialism by Greg McKeown
I cannot remember the last time I read a book and then immediately wanted to read it over again, more slowly. (Oh, wait, yes I do.) Essentialism: The Disciplined Pursuit of Less spoke to me exactly where I am right now. (Even typing the title, I am reminded that every word of it appeals.) If someone came into my head, looked at the mess I was trying to sort out and create a better household for our family, it would be Essentialism in book form.
There are so many passages I highlighted and wanted to share with you, but this is the most important:
When people believe that their efforts at work don’t matter, they tend to respond in one of two ways. Sometimes they check out and stop trying, like the mathematically challenged child. The other response is less obvious at first. They do the opposite. They become hyperactive. They accept every opportunity presented. They throw themselves into every assignment. They tackle every challenge with gusto. They try to do it all. This behavior does not necessarily look like learned helplessness at first glance. After all, isn’t working hard evidence of one’s belief in one’s importance and value? Yet on closer examination we can see this compulsion to do more is a smokescreen. These people don’t believe they have a choice in what opportunity, assignment, or challenge to take on. They believe they “have to do it all.”
This was where I was just a few years ago. The Gorilla was making movies, my children were tiny, I felt simultaneously grateful for our life and also very helpless in it. But, as the passage describes, I didn't even know I felt helpless. I took on every opportunity, was hosting houseguests right and left, trying so hard to do so much so I could finally prove my worth.
It burned me up and nearly sunk our lovely, unsuspecting family.
So as I moved towards a mindset that brought about this year's mantra of Only What Matters, I came to a place that McKeown describes like this:
The way of the Essentialist isn’t about setting New Year’s resolutions to say “no” more, or about pruning your in-box, or about mastering some new strategy in time management. It is about pausing constantly to ask, “Am I investing in the right activities?”
Of these four books, Essentialism is less another To Do, and more an anthem for those who are feeling like they need a change, but maybe can't even identify why. It's an approachable look at the problem, and an inspiring look at the solution. I will definitely be reading it again soon.
The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up by Marie Kondo
This book has gotten a ton of buzz and press lately. It seems like everyone is talking about it, and there's a reason why. Much of what Marie Kondo (who refers to her methods as KonMarie) makes a lot of sense. There are two important things you need to know before you read this book: Marie Kondo does not appear to have children (at least not that are reference in the book or in her methods) and also she is more obsessive compulsive than average. This is my polite way of understating that last point.
So, just know that employing some of her tactics will not have the exact same effect she describes if you're dealing with a houseful, or if you're not exactly Type A. However, there are some really, really fantastic things about The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up. I really connected with her instructions to keep only things that bring you joy, and how letting go of physical things is not the same thing as letting go of memories. Her advice to speak to the garments or objects, and wishing them well on their next journey, can go a little far for some people, but when I did it as speaking to myself (my younger self, who held on the item in the first place), the thoughts made perfect sense. It also helped me purge the things I kept out of guilt (I spent so much money on this!) or that no longer fit (I'll be that size again someday).
I also like how she advises cleaning out your purse every night (what a difference just that small tweak makes!) and the detail she goes into about doing these overhauls all at once instead of little by little, or room by room. Some of what she said is contrary to popular advice, or what we would believe to be common sense, which is why I believe the book is hitting a nerve.
If you know that clearing the clutter gives your brain and heart space to breathe, The Life-Changing Magic of Tidying Up will be just the kick in the pants you need to clear your space once and for all.
Getting Things Done by David Allen
I read this book a couple of years ago and just days later my husband came home telling me about a book Howard Stern was raving about that streamlined all of his tasks at work and at home. I would say that the Getting Things Done method (often referred to as GTD) works for all different kinds of personalities, but is especially effective for the anxiety riddled among us.
I have to be honest that I don't love the way this book is set up or how the system is explained (although there's a new version out this year that I've heard remedies a lot of this), but once I understood the main points, it was pretty revolutionary for the way I organized my tasks.
There are hundreds of little takeaways from Getting Things Done, but the gist is that you need to gather everything into one place in order to process it, and this includes everything from mail and bills to the running TO DO list in your head, and then you need to plow through it. I am simplifying, of course, but the gathering/clarifying/processing steps made me feel much more in control of the million things that are constantly floating through my head.
Allen goes into great detail about how to get things done (and in turn how to deal with your stuff) and there are tips and tricks I picked up in this book that I whisper to myself every day. (A big one? If it takes less than 2 minutes, do it NOW. Don't write it down, don't think you'll remember, just do it.)
Getting Things Done is mostly aimed at work-related tasks, but I can attest that it works just fine for your home as well.
The Power of Habit by Charles Duhigg
A little bit of a different take from the other books, but The Power of Habit was really useful for me in understanding how my brain works and how I can change it for the better. I've read several habit books, and this one was by far the most useful and interesting. While I was reading, I thought of friends and family members that I wanted to send The Power of Habit to, because the examples of how to change just one habit was as compelling of how to turn around a whole company.
I know this may seem like the type of subject you can't imagine investing hours reading about, but trust me on this one. Learning how to spot your cues, thinking about your personal rituals and the cues that spark them made me feel more in control of the things I thought I couldn't (or wouldn't) change. I did a full year of attempting to modify my habits, and I so wish that I had read this book first. It would have made my experiments much more meaningful.
(The Power of Habit would be great on audio book, too. If that's your kind of thing.)
I know a lot of us yearn for a life more simple, but aren't really sure what that means, or how to put it into actual practice. It doesn't just happen, you have to be intentional about it. These books have helped me clarify exactly HOW I want to simplify. I hope they're helpful for you, too.
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